The Woes of Harry Potter
by I-Confuse-Everyone
Summary: Harry Potter meet Fanfiction. Fanfiction meet Harry Potter. What problems does Harry encounter while online? COMPLETE.
1. Reviews v Hits

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter One**

**Reviews v Hits**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

"What are you doing, Harry?" Hermione Granger asked, coming up from behind Harry.

"Oh, hey Hermione, I'm just about to upload my story onto this fan-fiction website you showed me," replied Harry,

"Oh cool. Have you finished it? What's it about?" enquired Hermione, scanning the first few lines.

Harry blushed. "Well, it's about what I imagine Sirius to have said to my parents when he met them again after going through the Veil."

Hermione gave him a hug. "Can I read it? I'll beta it for you!"

"Yeah sure," said Harry, "I'm going to find Ron. Give me a yell when you're finished." He got up and Hermione took his place.

For the next half an hour, Hermione read through Harry's story and carefully checked for any grammatical mistakes. At the end, she found she had tears in her eyes. It had been two years since Sirius had passed through the Veil and Harry was gradually getting over his death and others that had died fighting for the Light in the Final Battle. Everything appeared to be perfect so she called Harry back and he uploaded it onto Hermione's favourite fan-fiction site.

"I can't wait to see what people think of it!" he said, his green eyes gleaming.

* * *

Two days later, Harry logged onto his email account and excitedly looked for reviews. He had eight messages in his inbox; four of them were from his Hogwart's friends. The other four were entitled 'Review Alert!'

"What?" whispered Harry, "Only four reviews for my story?"

He clicked them open and read them through. They were all positive, fortunately, but Harry was annoyed. Hermione saw his face and asked what the matter was.

"I only have _four_ reviews of my story, which took me absolutely ages to write! Did I write it badly or something? Was there only four people who looked at it?" asked Harry, confused.

Hermione frowned. "Well I thought it was really good when I read it…hang on, we'll look at your stats."

"My what?" Harry said, moving aside so Hermione could get to the keyboard.

"Your statistics for your story. You can look at your Hits and tell how many people have visited your story," said Hermione, "Ah, here we are." She looked at the table of statistics and drew in a breath sharply, "Sixty-three."

"What?" said Harry, loudly, "You mean to say sixty three people have read my story and only _four_ had the decency to write me a review? Well! I don't think much of the other fifty nine people! Are they just lazy?"

"Probably," Hermione said, equally as annoyed, "God! They could just be considerate and leave a review saying 'yeah, I like your story' or 'I didn't like the story because…'! It really is rude!"

They both scowled. "I thought the point of this website was for aspiring writers to help one another by reviewing one another's work and telling them when they go wrong!" sniffed Harry, furiously.

"It is," said Hermione, "oh well, maybe there'll be some more reviews in a couple of days…"

But there wasn't.

* * *

**OK, just had to get that out of my system and it is actually based on a true story (though obviously not with Harry and Hermione!)**

**Please review even if you _are _just saying "yeah, I like your story" or 'I didn't like the story because…"**

**BUT that doesn't mean I'm begging for reviews; it's entirely up to you.**

**Thanks (smiles)**

**Edited 3/10/05**


	2. Rita Skeeter is WHO?

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Two**

**Rita Skeeter is WHO?**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me.**_

"I'm so glad they installed these Muggle computers in Hogwarts," said Hermione, gleefully, "It's one of the things I miss the most during term time."

Harry nodded and finished logging onto his computer area.

"What are you going to do?" asked Hermione, "Have you done all of your homework?"

"Yeah, Ron and I copied yours earlier," said Harry, distractedly as he typed in a website, "I'm going onto that website again and see if there's any good stories up about me and Ginny and how I defeat Voldemort,"

"Alright," Hermione replied, "How funny was it when we found that website with stories all about you on!"

Harry laughed, as he selected _Books _and then _Harry Potter_. "What I want to know is how the Muggles found out about me! I've seen writers that live in America and even Australia!"

"Gosh," Hermione said, "I ran a search yesterday and apparently this woman called J.K Rowling writes these really good, best selling books about our adventures at Hogwarts and Muggles absolutely love them, so much that they write their own fan fics!"

"Wow, who is J.K Rowling anyway?" asked Harry,

"Ah, well I ran another search and she has another identity…" said Hermione, nervously, "just don't explode. Erm, J.K Rowling is really Rita Skeeter. Do you remember after we banned her from writing ridiculous stories about you in the _Daily Prophet_?"

"Yes…" said Harry, slowly,

"Well, after the year was up, she didn't write anymore nasty stories; instead she wrote biographies about each of your years at Hogwarts but turned them into fiction novels for Muggles. I've read the first one and it's actually amazing how accurate she is!" Hermione said,

"Merlin!" said Harry, "Now the entire Muggle world believes in the Wizarding World?"

"I think so but they just think it's fake although I've seen loads of Muggles tapping the barrier between Platforms nine and ten at King's Cross," Hermione laughed,

"Ah, great, just _grea_t" muttered Harry Potter.

* * *

**Thanks to Beastfire, GoddessofSnark, Gwion, Starsinmypocket, Gotham's Princess, Christina, Gryffindor77, Mrudul, Yeah, Starsinthesky, P, goddessa39, sheepfollow, crypticwishes, AnjaliMalfoy, swimchick1614, scrivania, theamericanidiot, Silver Mayflower, lovely, High Summoner Rinoa Leonhart, MISSXMELON, Liljean15690, silverfairydust and sandshark. Phew that was a lot! Sorry if I spelt anyone's name wrong.**

**Yeah I decided to write some more 'cause I have some good ideas for this. Anyway I better post this, I need to get to class!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	3. The Curse of Writer's Block

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Three**

**The Curse of Writer's Block**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

Harry was happily typing away at a computer in the Hogwart's library. Words came naturally into his head and he was extremely happy with the way it was going.

"and…Harry…turned…to…Malfoy… and…shouted…out…the…spell…which…Mad-eye…Moody…had…used…back…in…his…fourth…year…Immediately…Malfoy…turned…into…a…little…white…ferret…The…entire…corridor…burst…out…laughing…as…Malfoy…the…ferret…squealed…in…obvious…terror," mumbled Harry as he typed.

He was interrupted by a guffaw of laugher. Harry swung around and saw Ron Weasley bent over in hysterics.

"That was so funny!" he yelled,

"_Mr. Weasley_!" said Madam Pince, "be quiet or go out! This is a _library_!"

"Sorry," Ron muttered, his face red.

Madam Pince tutted and turned away.

"How's your story going?" Ron asked, scanning the lines of the computer screen,

"Great!" enthused Harry, "I'm just writing about how Malfoy and I start a duel and I come off best and turn him into a ferret!"

"Yeah," said Ron, "What's going to happen next?"

"Erm…" said Harry, "Erm… I don't really know. I can't think of anything!"

Ron wrinkled his nose. "Well the bell for curfew is about to go so why don't you think about it and come back tomorrow with a good idea?"

"_That's _a good idea," said Harry, "I'll just save it."

He clicked save and shut down the computer. Then the two Gryffindors crept out of the silent library and returned to their tower.

* * *

"Did you think of anything?" asked Ron, at breakfast the next morning.

Harry shook his head. "Nah, I thought hard before going to sleep but inspiration didn't strike me,"

"What about?" asked Hermione, intrigued,

"Harry's latest fan fic," explained Ron, "He can't think of what to put next."

"Ah, the dreaded curse of writer's block," said Hermione, nodding, "I hate that,"

"What do I _do_?" wailed Harry,

"You just have to wait," answered Hermione, "there's no point in just sitting in front of a computer screen 'cause it won't work. Trust me; you'll have a bolt of inspiration right in the middle of a lesson or something."

"OK," said Harry, "I'll sit it out. Come on, we have Transfiguration…"

* * *

The days slowly slipped by and soon an entire week had elapsed. Harry was no nearer finding inspiration.

"You've got it seriously bad," said Hermione, one evening, "normally, writer's block only lasts a day or two at the most. Well, in my case it does."

Harry and Ron laughed before returning to their homework.

* * *

"Why are you wrinkling you forehead like that?" asked Ginny, as she sat down next to Harry in the common room,

"I'm trying to think of what to put next in my fan fic! It's been bugging me for a week and a half!" said Harry, stressed out,

"How about your gorgeous girlfriend Ginny flies in and saves you from the vicious Malfoy ferret that was _just _about to bite you!" suggested Ginny,

Harry laughed. "Cool idea but no. Ah well, hopefully I'll work something out soon!"

* * *

_Two days later in a very boring lesson of History of Magic._

"By George I've got it!"

* * *

**OK I seriously nearly had a heart attack when I saw how many reviews I got for the last chapter. I've never had that many before, ever! Anyway thanks to (braces self for a LONG job): Just-the-Jen, BellatrixCarter, vasj, Nixinox, LunaCatt, Hermoine-Hermine, Gotham's Princess, HPLL4ever, Immortal Moon, Queenlover, Francie46, Mr. Random, passionfruitpeach, Firesoulliz, Bob Rhynoplasty, Not so sour lemons, Tommy's Grl, forty-two dreams (I am pointless), Dream Phantom, LoonyLoopyLisa, Lorel, SalemWitch, Artistgurl, Rayvn-Amre (ok whatever indeed!), rox n sox, preshuzz, thephoenixsong, Kat-Potter, lobi1caonbi, designergurl, dormouse, renee and albinotreefrog. PHEW! That was a lot but totally worth it. Sorry if I spelt anyone's name wrong. **

**If you have ideas about what I could include, then you're most welcome to tell me. I've got a Harry-discovers-slash chapter coming up soon.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	4. The Dreaded Email

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Four**

**The Dreaded Email**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

"Harry, hurry up!" said Ron, "Lunch is nearly over and we still haven't eaten anything!"

"Alright, alright," grumbled Harry, "I just wanted to check my emails. I'll catch up with you,"

"OK," said Ron and ran to his lunch.

Harry signed into his email account and clicked onto his inbox.

Ah, twelve new emails. Four from his friends, three reviews from his last chapter, four email alerts from some of his particular favorite fan fics and an email from the fan fiction administrator. _Uh huh_.

Quickly, Harry opened the administrator email and scanned down to it.

_Dear user._

_Weregret to inform you that your story _'Me, Myself and Ginny'_ has been removed from because it broke the below rule:_

_Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc_

_Your account has been frozen for one week- you are unable to post anymore fanfics until this period of time is over. If this happens a further two times, your account will be closed._

_Thank you and please continue using this website._

"Ohno!" cried Harry, slamming his fist onto the desk in anger, "I don't believe it!"

He furiously signed off the computer and pounded into the Great Hall where Ron and Hermione were enjoying their lunch.

"What's wrong?" asked Hermione, immediately seeing Harry's angry face,

"Your favourite website has removed my story and has frozen my account for an entire week!" spat Harry,

"Oh no!" said Hermione, in dismay, "what rule did you break?"

"The interactive entry one," sighed Harry, his anger slowly started to disappear, "at the end of the last few chapters I've had two options that the reviewers can choose from and they show the way the story is going. It's been really successful…"

"It was a good idea," soothed Hermione,

"How did the administrators find out?" asked Ron, curiously,

"Someone must have blabbed to them," said Hermione, "they must have reported your story. I hate people that do that. Well, obviously it's okay if the story is atrocious or it's written like a porn piece but it's just spiteful to report for something as basic as interactive entries!"

Harry nodded, glumly.

"Did you save your story?" Hermione asked, a moment later,

"Luckily," said Harry, cutting a large piece of Apple Pie onto his plate as lunch time was nearly over,

"Good," said Hermione, "when the week is up and you can access your account again, you can re-post your story. Just remove the 'choose your own adventure' part of the story and you'll be fine!"

"OK, thanks Hermione," grinned Harry,

"No problem," Hermione said, grinning back,

"Oi Potter, grin at your own girlfriend!" said Ron.

* * *

**Thanks to Ace Ryn Knight, where-my-heart-resides, Apple Pie (a mention of pie just for you), littleflower2004, Thyrin, Amber, wildchild555, AlexisHaliwell89, Lizai, Pippi, loony, Whatshername1, cyn, PockyEater, Not so sour lemons, Queenlover, gl2004 (thanks for all 3 reviews), MrsTomFelton007, sofia, Angel Alexander (your story made me go AWW really loudly which wasn't that great as I was in a VERY silent library at the time), Nixinox and Saziikins. **

**Harry-discovers-slash chapter will be coming up shortly. I have a list of things to write about. It will be possibly chapter six. If anyone has anything that I could use in the story, then just tell me.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received.**


	5. Something to Toast my Marshmallows With

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Five**

**Something to Toast my Marshmallows With,**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

It was just over a week later and Harry's account had been reopened and he had gladly logged in. The next day, during a I'm-sick-of-homework-and-refuse-to-do-anymore moment, he'd carefully gone through the four original chapters and deleted all of the choose your own story bits so he wouldn't be banned again. After Hermione Beta'd it, Harry had re-posted the chapters and was just about to post his fifth one. In it was a very exciting moment when Harry kissed Ginny for the very first time on top of the Astronomy Tower. It was a true story.

"Harry!" gasped Ginny, running into the library,

"What?" said Harry, immediately swinging around, "what's wrong?"

"Hi!" said Ginny, with a cheeky smile,

"_Ginny_!" Harry moaned,

"_Harry_!" Ginny moaned back.

Harry rolled his eyes and turned back around, facing the computer screen. Ginny walked forward and swung her arm around his shoulders and leaned into Harry.

"What are you doing?" she asked,

"Trying to post the latest chapter of my fan fic," replied Harry, waiting for the document to be uploaded,

"Oooh, the one about me and you?" said Ginny, smirking,

"Yup," answered Harry, "in this chapter, we've got to the first kiss,"

"Let's have a look!" said Ginny.

Harry posted the chapter and clicked on the live preview. Ginny sat on his lap as she read the five hundred words or so that Harry had written.

"Merlin! I can't believe you wrote quite that much detail!" she gasped, when she had finished,

"Don't worry, all of the readers think we're fictional characters anyway and as far as I know, only me, you, Ron and Hermione know about this site at Hogwarts," reasoned Harry,

"Alright," whined Ginny, "hey, are you absolutely certain you wrote about our first kiss right?"

Harry faked a look of concern. "I'm not too sure,"

"Wanna relive it to make sure?"

"Of course."

* * *

Two days later, Harry found he had a spare half an hour between dinner and curfew so he decided to go and see if he'd had any reviews.

"I'll come with you," said Hermione, "I want to see if the revised version of Hogwarts: A History is in yet…"

The pair went to the library and Harry grabbed a spare computer. He logged onto his email account and was pleased to see eight reviews waiting for him. One by one he clicked on them and read them. A deep burst of happiness exploded in his chest each time he read a good one.

"Good…good…good…good…good…what?"

Harry reread the review and felt his heart plummet into his shoes.

"What's wrong?" asked Hermione, from behind him,

"Look at this review!" said Harry.

Hermione peered at the screen and read:

_Your story stank. There is no way in hell that Hary is going to get with Ginny it's not cannon. It's perfectly obvius that Harry's going to go with somebody else or die a miserable lonely death. Giny is ugly no one in there rite mind is going to want to go out with her so there. Read my story its called Harry and something. It's tons better than urs!_

"Well! How petty!" said Hermione, "obviously someone's jealous of your ability as a writer,"

"Yeah," said Harry, "plus they can't even spell!"

"Just ignore it Harry," said Hermione, "it's just a stupid flame. I use them to toast my marshmallows with."

Harry laughed. "I still can't believe they called Ginny _ugly_! They don't even know her!"

"Exactly," said Hermione, "now, you go and tell Ginny how beautiful she is and I'll think of a suitable reply to the flamer."

Harry saw the dangerous glint in his best friend's eye and decided it would be best to do as she advised.

* * *

**Thanks to don't even bother, Saziikins, PadfootObsessed329, Queenlover, gl2004, Evil Scientist, Mist and Apple Pie.**

**The Harry-discovers-slash will be the next chapter, I promise. That should be out tomorrow with any luck.**

**I can't believe I've nearly got 100 reviews for this fic. That's almost twice as much as my most popular other story 'Hogwarts in France'.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	6. Rather Odd Pairings 1

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Six**

**Rather Odd Parings 1**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

"I'm bored!" moaned Harry,

"Have you done all your homework?" asked Hermione, from inside the revised version of Hogwarts: a History featuring House Elves.

"_Yes_," sighed Harry,

"What about your fanfic?" asked Ron,

"Writer's block again,"

"Why don't you find some new stories then?" suggested Ginny, "and shut up 'cause I need to concentrate on this potions essay!"

Harry sighed exaggeratedly and logged onto the nearest computer. After it had loaded up, he clicked onto the listing page for Harry Potter fanfiction.

"Boring, boring, not interested, too short…" he muttered, as he scanned down the page, "there isn't anything I particularly want to read!"

Nobody answered apart from Ron grunting as he researched the uses of Dragon Blood.

Harry sighed as he debated what to do. His eyes caught the top right hand corner of the screen where there was a list of characters and categories for stories. He decided to have a look.

"_Genre: All, General, Romance, Humor, Drama… Hmm, romance sounds good_," mused Harry, "_Characters: All. Harry Potter of course!"_

He clicked his selections and then pressed Go. He looked down the list of stories.

HP/GW "_Well that's obviously me and Ginny. That's cool_."

HP/HG _"Me and Hermione? Nice idea but Ron would dismember me and I've got Ginny anyway_."

HP/PP "_Who's that? PP... PANSY PARKINSON? That's sick, that's so very sick. Thank God, it's fiction!"_

HP/SS_ "SS? Snape? SNAPE? Eww that's even worse!"_

"There's some pretty disturbing stories on here," said Harry,

"Oh yeah? What like?" asked Ron,

"I've found romance stories including me and Pansy Parkinson and me and Snape!" said Harry,

"That's gross," said Ron, looking revolted, "Muggles! Any other weird stories?"

"I'll have a look," Harry replied and continued with his search.

HP/TR: LV _"No way! Me and Voldemort in a romantic relationship? I think I'm going to be sick!"_

HP/DM _"D…M? Draco Malfoy? The Slytherin Ice Prince? _That _Draco Malfoy_?"

"ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

* * *

**Thanks to Saziikins, littleflower2004, Nixinox, gl2004, Queenlover, Apple Pie, Firesoulliz, korrd, reader, designergurl, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorelai, DrAgOnCiTa, Lil Crow Bow, LDY-RBZ-BBALL4 and I am supa blonde.**

**Marshmallows for all!**

**Don't worry, that's not all of the slash stuff. The next two chapters will be slash as well. Sorry that it's so short as well!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	7. Rather Odd Pairings 2

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Seven**

**Rather Odd Parings 2**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

"Harry? HARRY!"

Harry opened his eyes blearily just in time to see Ginny swing her hand down and slap him on the face.

"OW! _What was that for_?" he yelped,

Ginny blushed crimson. "Ooops sorry."

"What am I doing on the floor anyway?"

"You fainted."

"I _what_? Oh great, what's Malfoy going to say when he hears this one… Malfoy? Draco Malfoy… _oh my God_! Those stories about me and him! And those about me and Snape. And those about me and Voldemort! Eww!"

"Harry, calm down!" said Hermione, "they're only stories. I'm sure if we ran our names through the search engines, we'd find some odd pairings."

"Hey, that's a pretty good idea," said Ron and leapt onto Harry's computer chair.

Ginny helped Harry sit up and he leant against one of Madam Pince's bookshelves. Ginny sat down next to him and snuggled up to him. "I'm the only one for you, Mr. Potter."

Meanwhile, Ron had put his name on the first character list and pressed go. "Here are my results. I have RW/HG. That's you, Hermione, that's great!"

Hermione smiled at him as he continued looking down the list.

"RW/LL? Who's LL?"

"Luna Lovegood."

"Oh that's not _too_ bad," said Ron, "not as good as you though, Hermione!" he said quickly, catching a dangerous glint in Hermione's eye.

"Ron Weasley and Parvati Patil. Interesting, I suppose…RW/GW? Eww that's nasty. What kind of person writes an incest story between me and Ginny? Next thing I know, there'll be loads of Fred and George stories!"

Ginny shuddered violently.

"Merlin Harry! Some creeps written a story featuring us two in love!" gasped Ron,

"Noooo," moaned Harry, still not quite over his Draco and Harry episode.

Hermione coughed slightly as she looked at the boy's faces.

"The things these Muggles come up with!" said Ron, "another Hermione story and another and another and a…no!"

Ron turned waxy white and Hermione, who seemed to be having breathing difficulties went over to see what he was staring at.

"RW/DM Slash," she read out, "Ron and Draco had left the Wizarding World behind after their relationship comes out. After a few months, they get a nasty surprise. Featuring MPreg."

"What's MPreg?" asked Ginny, growing red in the face,

"Male pregnancy," answered Hermione.

The two girls glanced at each other and then turned to look, first at Ron who looked as if he'd been petrified and then at Harry, who had started shaking uncontrollably.

Together, they began howling with laughter,

* * *

**Thanks to korrd, HGShipper (thanks for 5 reviews lol), Nixinox, Not so sour Lemons (thanks for pointing the error out too, I have dealt with it), Firesoulliz, gl2004, AlexisHaliwell89, Enid and littleflower2004. **

**One more chapter for the discovery of slash and this time it's Ginny and Hermione's turn!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	8. Rather Odd Pairings 3

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Eight**

**Rather Odd Parings 3**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

"_Stop laughing, you two_!" yelled Ron,

"O…Okay," spluttered Hermione, "we're sorry, it was just so funny…mpreg!"

The girls dissolved into laughter once more.

Harry and Ron waited impatiently for them to calm down. After five minutes had passed and they didn't seem to be showing any sign of stopping, the boys went back onto the computer to see if any new stories had appeared.

"No, it's still all the same," said Harry,

"Oh," said Ron, casting an irritated glance at the still chortling girls, "so, do you want to get our own back on them and search for rather odd pairings involving them?"

"Alright," said Hermione, with a grin.

They selected Hermione's name first and browsed the list of available stories.

"HG/RW, that's you, Ron. HG/HP…erm yeah," said Harry, quickly moving the page down,

"Ha! Look at this. HG/DM! _Like _Hermione would really go out with that slime ball!"

"He's quite cute actually," came Hermione's voice,

"_What_?" roared Ron, furiously.

"MR. WEASLEY. THIS IS A LIBRARY. GET OUT, _OUT_!" roared Madam Pince, equally as loud.

Ron cast a disgusted look at Hermione and marched out, his head held high.

Hermione bit her lip. "Oh no."

"Give him some time to cool off," advised Harry, "shall we look for odd pairings involving you, Ginny?"

"Alright," replied Ginny, eagerly.

Harry ran a search and looked down the list of fanfics available.

"GW/HP. That's us," said Ginny. She kissed her boyfriend gently on the forehead.

"GW/DM. That's all of us paired with Malfoy. Eww!" said Harry.

"Muggles have such active imaginations," commented Hermione, from behind them,

"What's that next one say?" asked Ginny, peering at the screen,

"GW/HG. Femslash," read out Harry.

The two girls froze and stared at one another.

"That's disgusting," said Ginny,

"Yep," said Harry,

"Muggles are so stupid," said Hermione, "Do they get their kicks off writing horrible stories about us?"

"Hermione, they think we're fiction characters," said Harry,

"So? How would they like it if I started writing nasty stories about them and posting them. _Damn Muggles_!" Hermione choked back a sob and ran out of the library.

Harry and Ginny looked at one another and grimaced.

"Is it just me or do they both take things too seriously?" sighed Harry,

"Yeah," said Ginny, "do you reckon we'd better go and speak to them and find out what's wrong?"

"Good idea. I'll take Hermione. You take Ron,"

"OK," Ginny nodded and after logging off the computer, the duo separated to find their friends.

* * *

**Thanks to murgel, Nixinox (sorry 'blushes'), AlexisHaliwell89, korrd, where-my-heart-resides, Saziikins, Not so sour lemons, Surrounded by idiots, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorelai, swiglo3000, gl2004, I am a banana and Baihu. **

**Thanks for all the suggestions. Keep them coming.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received**


	9. The Most Annoying Stories

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Nine**

**The Most Annoying Stories**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

Hermione and Ron still weren't speaking.

It was two days later and Harry and Ginny were finding it very difficult to hold normal conversation while two of the members acted as if the other wasn't present. If they had to refer to one another, they said things such as, "Harry, will you tell _Ronald _to pass the salt," and "Ginny, tell _Hermione _that she can get her own bloody salt!" It was very trying.

A further day passed and then Harry and Ginny gave up trying to make peace in disgust and retired to the library.

"They'll just have to sort themselves out," said Harry,

"Yeah, maybe we should lock them both in a cupboard for an hour," sighed Ginny,

"Good idea," mused Harry,

"By the way, did you ever find out what made Hermione so upset?"

"Well, when she was at primary school, before Hogwarts, she used to get called a lesbian by the class bullies 'cause she didn't seem to have any interest in boys," explained Harry, "and I suppose she's not really got over it,"

"Poor Hermione," sympathized Ginny, "well, I need to get my Charms done,"

"I'm going to go on the fanfiction website but stay firmly away from romance stories!" said Harry, bagging a computer.

Ginny laughed and the duo settled down for the afternoon.

* * *

Harry was reading a brilliant story about himself and his preparation for the Final Battle. It was extremely well written, fast paced, interesting and everything a person could wish for in a story. He was just finishing the eighteenth chapter.

"_Harry turned to his best friends: Ron, Hermione and Ginny. "This is it," he whispered, "Voldemort has broken through the Hogwart's wards." Ron paled. "How long do we have?" "Less than a minute," was the reply. Hermione bit her lip. "I'll go and alert the professors and get the younger students to the designated safe place." Harry nodded and hugged her hard before she hurried off, her hand wiping her face. Harry turned to Ginny. "I'll always love you," he said, "I promise I'll meet you at the end." Ginny's eyes filled with tears as she understood the double meaning of that statement. "I love you, Mr. Potter." She quickly kissed Harry on the lips and made her way to the Infirmary to help with the injured as they arrived. Harry stared after his girlfriend before turning to his best friend. Ron was standing tall, strong and proud next to him. "I promised I'd stand by you and I intend to keep that promise," he said, staring Harry in the eyes. Harry smiled briefly. "Let's go then. It's time."_

"This is excellent!" muttered Harry as he moved the cursor down to get onto the next chapter. There wasn't another chapter.

"Damn!" Harry cursed, "Just as it was getting tense!"

He scrolled back up the page to see when the story had last been updated. The date was over six months ago. "Oh no," he moaned, "Why can't they update?"

"What's wrong?" asked Ginny, from where she was still completing her homework,

"I'm in the middle of one of the best fanfic's I've read so far and they haven't updated it for months!" said Harry, "they left a cliff-hanger too!"

"Shame," said Ginny, "I always think that once an author has started a story, they should complete it and if they have no intention of finishing it, then they should remove the story from the website,"

"Exactly," nodded Harry, "I'll leave them a review and encourage them to complete it."

He clicked on the review buttons and typed into the box that appeared on screen.

'_Hi. I've just read through your story and I have to admit that it's the best story I've read on here. It's action packed, exciting and very well written so well done to you. However, I have one problem. You haven't finished it or updated it for over six months and the story is left on a cliff-hanger. This isn't really fair to me or other readers. I realise you may have things in your life that are keeping you occupied but please try to finish it soon. It really is excellent and doesn't deserve to just be left like that. I wait in anticipation.'_

"There," decided Harry and pressed submit review; "come on, Ginny. It's time for dinner!"

Ginny put away her homework gladly and the couple made their way to the Great Hall. Ron was sitting at the Gryffindor table, pushing his fork around his food. He looked up as they approached.

"Do you know where Hermione is?" he asked, desperately, "I've searched all over the castle this afternoon but I can't find her! I wanted to apologise but she's disappeared!"

* * *

**Wait while I-confuse-everyone swears VERY loudly. **

**Well, knock me down with a feather; I really nearly had a heart attack when I saw the amount of reviews for the last chapter. 'Takes a deep breath to get over shock'.**

**Thanks to HGShipper(x3), Bob Rhynoplasty, Firesoulliz (x2), korrd, Apple Pie (x2), bonnythebunny (x8!), miliaphire, No Longer Alone, hermionebabe06, chels89, AlexisHaliwell89, Kudarung, tabby, murgel, littleflower2004, fenderbender505, GreendayGeek2001, Solae, golwenadaneth, FadedRose, Kiva Wildfire, Laura, I am a banana, Kermit Turtle, ftfradiecat, Myself (x3), Eos, PrincessofWolves, Pandora, gl2004, Moxy, EvenstaroftheEast, Delajade, Andromeda 'Andy' Black, Tera Earth, ILoveHarryPotter17, RowanRhys, XxPoprocksandcokexX, Nixinox, Silver Sailor Ganymede and Queenlover.**

**Crikey, nearly 200 hundred reviews. Woot! I have approximately 20 chapters (maybe) planned out unless you give me more good ideas to write about. As you can see I'm trying to develop a plot within the main storyline so every chapter doesn't keep being 'Harry goes onto fanfiction dot net and discovers something new and exciting. The next day, he does exactly the same and again and again and again.' Tell me if you think its working.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	10. Super Powerful Harry to the Rescue!

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Ten**

**Super Powerful Harry to the Rescue!**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

"I wouldn't panic," said Harry, calmly, "you've probably just missed her somewhere. We'll find her."

Ginny nodded reassuringly and sat down next to her brother and boyfriend for dinner.

* * *

After they had finished, the trio retired to their common room where they found Hermione waiting, looking excited.

"There you are!" she said, breathlessly, "You'll never guess what's happened!"

"What?" Harry asked, just as Ron said "Where have you been all afternoon, Hermione?"

"I've been in Professor Dumbledore's office," explained Hermione, "he's offered me an apprenticeship to stay on after Hogwarts!"

"Cool!" exclaimed Harry,

"What as?" asked Ginny,

"Potions assistant," said Hermione, "I'm going to be working with Professor Snape for the next year,"

"Oh," said Harry, "are you going to be alright with that?"

"Yeah," replied Hermione, "I've spoken to Professor Snape and he's prepared to put our differences behind us,"

"That's good," nodded Harry, "you just tell me if he's nasty and I'll come and sort him out!"

Ginny giggled and then squealed. "That means we're going to be together for another year!"

"But you have to call me Ms. Granger," teased Hermione,

"Do you find him cute?" asked Ron, quietly.

Hermione turned to him. "No I don't. I'm sorry I said that before, it was thoughtless of me. Besides why would I think someone like Malfoy is cute when I have you?"

Ron's face broke into a smile and he held out his arms into which Hermione flung herself.

"I'm so sorry, Ron," she sobbed while Ron awkwardly patted her on the back.

"Shall I make a cup of tea?" muttered Harry.

Hermione and Ron broke apart, laughing while Ginny looked on, confused.

"Oh! I found a fanfic yesterday that was _so _funny, you have to read it Harry!" said Hermione,

"Alright, let's go now," decided Harry.

* * *

Five minutes later, Hermione had logged onto a computer, accessed her favourite stories area and clicked onto the story.

"Harry Potter and the Founder's Gift," read Harry, "right I have two hours before curfew so I'll give it a try,"

Hermione beamed and she, Ron and Ginny left Harry to it.

* * *

Harry burst into the common room and located his friends over by the fire.

"Here comes super powerful Harry to the rescue!" quipped Hermione.

They all laughed as Harry flung himself into an empty armchair. _"Merlin_!" he said, "that Muggle has a lot of imagination!"

"Yeah. Making you be able to apparate into Hogwarts and make a stunning spell kill people because you have so much strength!" said Ginny. (Hermione had filled the siblings in on the story).

"My personal favourite was me knowing all of the oriental karate movements…you know what they're called…and using them in the Final Battle and knocking Snape out!" Harry said,

"Not a bad idea," remarked Ron, before they all fell about laughing.

* * *

**Thanks to Queenlover (hope the nosebleed is better otherwise you'll be all shrivelled up like an old peach), murgel, swiglo3000, littleflower2004 (the fic was just one I made up), Deannit (I'm honoured to be your first review), korrd (I take it you want a chapter with girl Blaise in?), VeryfirstMarauderGirl, Firesoulliz, preshuzz (I think it would be hilarious if Harry really was reading this), EvenstaroftheEast, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorelai (I wondered what your name meant), miliaphire, I am a banana (oh I want a full marshmallow- - I expect the punctuation errors were because I was writing it very late and talking to my mate at the same time who is--- ), sharkiebeetle (it's about time you reviewed and you need to watch you spelling lol), Andromeda 'Andy' Black, Silver Sailor Ganymede, Nixinox, Wulffman and ( ).**

**I was really tempted to not update for a day at least and see what your reaction was but the Sims 2 crashed so I decided I'd update anyway. Yeah and this story doesn't follow HBP at all!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	11. Crooked Dumbledore

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Crooked Dumbledore**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

The NEWTs were finally over and the seventh years only had a week left at their beloved school. They planned to spend every minute of it enjoying themselves. To Harry, Ron and Hermione that meant reading as much fanfiction as possible in between feasts, parties, pranks and the graduation ball. At the moment, the Golden trio and Ginny were searching for new stories to read.

"I'm going to check out these C2 things," announced Harry, "I noticed them last week but I didn't have a chance to explore." He clicked onto the page and scanned down the list of communities.

"'_Sevvie and Harry slash' _Hell no!" said Harry and quickly looked down the list again,

"'_My Favourite Harry Potter stories' _Hmm, sounds interesting. I'll come back to it."

"'_The Best Humour Stories_' I'll come back when I need a laugh."

"'_Quality Quidditch Tales'_ Excellent! But there's only one story with only one short chapter in. That's a shame. I'll continue looking."

"'_Albus Dumbledore and his Crooked Nose_' Hey, this looks good!"

Harry eagerly clicked into the C2 Community and browsed through the available fanfiction.

"_Harry discovers that Dumbledore has been tricking him and his parents ever since he was born. Bent on revenge, he sets out to regain what is rightfully his own."_

"_Manipulative Dumbledore! Dumbledore has been organising Harry's life and Harry finds out. Uh oh! What does Harry do?"_

"_Harry is not the Boy-who-lived. It's all a lie cooked up by Dumbledore. During the Final Battle, Harry is knocked unconscious and sees his parents who tell him the whole truth. When he wakes up, he has serious questions to ask Dumbledore"_

"_Lily and James Potter weren't killed by Voldemort. Instead, it was Albus Dumbledore. Harry finds out and wants to know WHY?"_

Harry gasped. How could anyone be so mean? Dumbledore would _never _do anything like that! No way! Could he?

Harry jumped up and ran past his startled friends, out of the library and to the Headmaster's Office.

"Éclairs!" he yelled and burst up the rotating stairs and into the office. Albus Dumbledore was sitting at his desk writing something with a quill. He looked up in surprise.

"What's wrong Harry?"

"Did you kill my parents? Did you? Am I just your pawn?" Harry demanded.

* * *

**Thanks to Bookworm1313, Hermoine-Hermine, EvenstaroftheEast (no this IS NOT going to be a SS/HG fic), littleflower2004, swiglo3000, Whatshername1, Apple Pie, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorelai, Myself, preshuzz, gl2004, I am a banana (woo marshmallow! My friend is a little confused about the whole marshmallow thing mwah haha!), Nixinox, Andromeda 'Andy' Black, Silver Sailor Ganymede and Queenlover (I'm so glad you're not a peach! You wouldn't be able to review then!)**

**Sorry it's so short but if I wrote anymore it would lead onto the next chapter and I felt like a cliff-hanger anyway… And it's kind of bad too. Eeek.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	12. Good old Voldemort

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Good old Voldemort**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

"No Harry! Of course I didn't! What gives you that idea?"

"It was a fanfiction story," muttered Harry, now feeling very stupid,

"What's that?" asked Dumbledore, curiously,

"It's a Muggle website that Hermione found where Muggles post stories based on books and films and stuff," Harry explained,

"So why were did you accuse me of using you?"

"Well, on that website, we found an area for Harry Potter stories based on…well us," Harry said, blushing slightly,

"That's very interesting. Would you mind if we took a look? I have a computer here. I must admit I find them simply fascinating!" said the Headmaster, showing Harry a computer identical to those in the library, sitting on Dumbledore's desk.

Harry sat down and logged in. He accessed the fanfiction site and then located the C2 Community that had led him to think his trusted Headmaster had betrayed him. Dumbledore sat down next to him and read some of the summaries.

"These Muggles do have such vivid imaginations," he chuckled, "I can see why you behaved like you did. Some of them sound quite convincing. However, I do swear to you that I have never done anything to use you or steal from you and I _certainly _didn't murder your parents,"

"I know," mumbled Harry, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have believed them. They're only stories,"

"It's quite alright, my boy," said Dumbledore, cheerfully, "I really should stop calling you a boy. You're hardly a child anymore. Though I do still call Severus 'my boy' and he really hates it!" Harry waited patiently while the Headmaster laughed to himself.

"Now Harry, I do believe that I would like to examine this website in more detail. Would you care to give me a guided tour?"

"Sure," said Harry and for the next fifteen minutes, he explained the website to Dumbledore and showed him various things he'd discovered. "…so Hermione worked it out that it's really Rita Skeeter who's written the Muggle books and that's how the Muggles know about us but they think we're fiction of course!"

"Very interesting," mused Dumbledore, "well, no Muggle can access the Wizarding World and they think we're all fiction so I suppose it's all right. The only thing we'd be able to do is withdraw the Harry Potter series but as you said, they're so popular I think Muggles of all nationalities would be after my blood!"

"Yes sir," nodded Harry. He refreshed the page. "Hey, look there's a new batch of stories!"

Headmaster and pupil sat and read through the first twenty five summaries. It was the last one that caught their attention.

"_During the summer of Harry's fifth year, he is kidnapped from the Dursley's and taken to Voldemort's Lair. After being locked in a dungeon for two weeks, Harry is released into Voldemort's presence. What happens?" _read out Harry. He looked at Dumbledore. "Shall we give it a go?"

Albus nodded and together they read through the five chapter story.

"I don't believe it!" exploded Harry, "I can't believe they'd _ever _think I'd join _him_. I killed him and I'm glad I did!"

"Calm down, Harry," said Dumbledore "you must remember they're only stories. You can't keep taking all stories seriously!"

"I know said Harry, "it's just so annoying!"

"I think you should stop reading them," remarked Dumbledore.

Harry looked horrified. "I _can't_!" he gasped, "they're just so fun and great and… _addictive_!"

"Indeed," said the Headmaster, "then I propose we read through another few."

So they did.

* * *

**Thanks to maliaphire, Andromeda 'Andy' Black (yay a cookie!), Queenlover (omg! A peach with hands! That would totally rock!), korrd (I'm not ignoring you. Wait for chapter sixteen), where-my-heart-resides, Firesoulliz, Bookwork1313, EvenstaroftheEast, I am a banana (a JUMBO marshmallow. WOOT!), BlackStar Wolf14 (argh no not plot puppies!), Nixinox (sorry the chapters don't seem to want to be any longer. I'll keep trying though!), Silver Sailor Ganymede and Apple Pie (he does doesn't he. Even Dumbedore's spotted it!). **

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	13. Daddy? 1

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Daddy? 1**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

Harry awoke late the next morning as he'd spent several hours reading fanfiction with the Headmaster. He dressed and got down to breakfast just in time. Then, after waving off his friends to Hogsmeade, Harry returned to Dumbledore's office for another reading session.

"Ah Harry. I feel like reading some Muggle opinions of Voldemort today," said Albus,

"Okay. Have you found a suitable C2 community?" asked Harry, sitting next to the Headmaster,

"Yes, it's called '_Voldemort and all that_.' Let's have a look…"

They spent the next five minutes looking through the archives. Most of the stories were about Harry turning to the Dark side and there were a couple about a Voldemort and Harry pairing which made Harry go green. They were getting towards the end of the C2 community when Harry suddenly cried out.

"Look at that one!"

Dumbledore adjusted his spectacles and peered at the print.

"_On his seventeenth birthday, Harry enters his parents vault at Gringotts. Waiting for him is a letter from his mother. Upon reading it, Harry discovers something startling about himself, he discovers that James Potter was not really his father…_" read out Dumbledore. He turned to Harry. "Do you want to have a look?"

Harry nodded, wondering who his father actually is, according to the story.

After the first two chapters, Harry knew. His father in the fanfiction was none other than Lord Voldemort himself.

"Merlin! Muggles really do have weird imaginations," he moaned.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Well I can tell you that James Potter is your father. He signed your birth certificate as your father and you certainly _look _like him!"

"Yeah," Harry sighed and then stretched. "You know what? I think I fancy checking out who else these crazy fanfiction Muggle authors have appointed as my father!"

"Good idea," said Dumbledore, "now I have some work to be getting on with but do tell me if you find any unusual people!"

"I will, sir," promised Harry and settled down to perform a search.

* * *

**Thanks to littleflower2004 (x2), maliaphire (x2), Queenlover a.k.a peach with hands, swiglo3000, HGShipper (x4), korrd (yes and yes), Bookworm1313, Supi-chan and Lizze-baka, Eos, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorela**i**, I am a banana, john (yay a convert-glad you like), Hermione-Hermine, GaryLovesPickles and Silver Sailor Ganymede.**

**Sorry it's so short. I'm tired and it's late but it's the weekend!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	14. Daddy? 2

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Daddy? 2**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

Harry clicked onto the main search engine on the website. On Search he selected _Story by Summary _and then he typed in _Harry _and _father_. After picking the correct category, he pressed 'go' and after the results had shown up, he scanned through them

"_Harry discovers that James Potter was not his real father and in fact his father was none other than Sirus Black. Follow Harry through his new life as Harry Black…_"

"_James Potter is not Harry's father and Lily Potter is not Harry's true mother. Instead Harry's real parents are still alive but in hiding. One day, they manage to contact Harry and reveal who his real identity is. Meet Harry Dumbledore: great grandson of Albus Dumbledore._"

"Have you found anything interesting?" asked Albus,

"Yeah," Harry sniggered, "well, the first one is great as it says my father is Sirus and I did count him as at least a father figure… And the one I've just found states that my 'real' parents are in hiding and are in fact, your grandkids therefore you're my great grandfather!"

Albus laughed. "That would be nice but no." He sighed. "I don't have any family apart from my teachers and students. With all the work I had to do in helping to and personally defeating Dark Lords, I never really had time…"

Harry didn't know what to say so he returned to his research.

* * *

A knock at the door startled both of the occupants ten minutes later. 

"Ah Severus, come in, my dear boy!" called Dumbledore, once again displaying his uncanny way to know who was at the door without opening it first. It was a little scary.

The door opened and Snape walked in. Upon spotting Harry, he nodded and then turned to the Headmaster. Since the Final Battle, Harry and Snape had mellowed out a little towards one another and had learnt to regard one another as equals. They still weren't friends but they weren't enemies either. Harry gulped as he remembered the slash pairings between him and his professor and stared back at the computer screen.

"Albus, I have come to talk about my apprentice next year…"

Harry tuned Snape out and concentrated on his latest discovery. He had stumped upon a whole range of stories that all had the word _Severitus_ included in all of the summaries. It obviously had something to do with Snape but what? Harry inserted the word into the search engine but there didn't seem to be any information. Just as he was about to give up, he noticed a summary that said "_View my C2 Community for more Severitus!_" Harry did just that.

In it, he found about 80 stories that all seemed to involve Harry and Snape in someway. He quickly skipped past the Snape/Harry fics throwing a glance at his professor who was still talking with the headmaster. It was then that he came across it:

"_SEVERITUS CHALLENGE! Harry is Snape's son. How is the rest of the world going to react to the newly christened Harry Snape? For that matter how will Harry and Snape react to one another?_"

Harry gave a strangled cry which made both of the professor's look up at him.

"What's wrong Potter?" asked Snape, impatiently, "are you going to continue making strange noises or will you let me continue my conversation?"

Harry couldn't speak and simply stared at his professor.

"Oh Harry! Have you discovered a new father?" asked Dumbledore, cheerily,

"What?" asked a very confused Snape,

"Well who is it?" asked Dumbledore,

"Why would he need a new father?" said Snape, "he's of age for Merlin's sake!"

"Shush Severus. Harry, what are you trying to say?"

"S…s…snape," stuttered Harry, "he's my f…f…father."

"_WHAT_?" screamed Snape, "What are you talking about Potter?"

"Hush Severus!" said Dumbledore,

"No I will not hush! Why is Mr. Potter telling me that I'm his father? I am most certainly not! I hate children!" screamed Snape,

"Prof…" began Harry, having finally been able to regain his voice,

"_No Potter_! What are you going to tell me now? That Lily Evans had a relationship with me?"

"Well that's what the story says," said Harry, without thinking,

"_POTTER_! I have never had a relationship with your mother and you are NOT my son! Is that understood?" Snape snarled, "Now, where are you getting this information from?"

"It's a website on the internet," supplied Dumbledore,

"A what?" said Snape,

"The internet is….well it's a Muggle thing and you can access it on the computers," said Albus, "and Harry has found this rather amusing website that has stories written all about us!"

"Fascinating," said Snape, sourly, "wait a minute. How do Muggles know about us?"

"Sit down Professor Snape," said Harry, motioning to the free seat next to him, "and I'll explain it all to you."

* * *

**Thanks to Queenlover, korrd, MiSS-x-MoOnY, Supi-Chan and Lizzie-baka, jynkyg, GaryLovesPickles, Bookwork1313 (it's longer!), littleflower2004, AnjaliMalfoy, bec, Apple Pie, gl2004 (thanks for the advice), maliaphire (happy birthday!), Nixinox, Silver Sailor Ganymede, Bob the Amazing Immortal Bouncing Goldfish Lord of the Exploding Plastacine Chickens (nice name!) and Hermoine-Hermine.**

**OK, it's longer than the last chapter (in fact it's twice as long). About five chapters left I think, maybe six, if I get inspiration and then I can get it to a nice round twenty chapters!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	15. Back to the Marauders

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Back to the Marauders**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

"Morning guys," said Harry, strolling into the library, the next morning,

"Hey Harry. Where were you yesterday?" asked Ron,

"Yeah, where did you run to in a great hurry?" said Hermione,

"Had to go and see Dumbledore," said Harry, shortly, "I told him about fanfiction and he's got addicted."

Everybody laughed.

"Talking about fanfiction, I've discovered this story that you might like," Hermione said, "look I'll show it you…"

Harry went and sat next to his best friend and looked at the screen.

"Here it is," said Hermione, proudly, "the author has an entire C2 Community based on these types of stories as well…"

"Thanks," said Harry, "by the way, where's Ginny?"

"Oh, she's in class. You know that one where you decide what subjects you're definitely taking for NEWTs," said Ron,

"Oh yeah," said Harry,

"We'll leave you to read," said Hermione, noticing Harry desperately trying to read,

"Thanks," said Harry, gratefully.

His two best friends smirked at one another and left the library.

Meanwhile Harry had read the summary of the story and was currently reading the first chapter. It was extremely good and about the marauders. The summary promised the story of how his parents got together and Harry was anxious to read it. Thinking about it, he'd never asked how exactly his parents got together. He knew they fought, having seen Snape's pensieve, but how they fell in love, he did not know. He vowed to ask Remus next time he saw him.

* * *

"_Lily, I love you with all my heart," said James, "I know we've had our ups and downs but with the threat of Voldemort looming over us, your love is all that gets me through."_

_Lily sniffed, tears in her eyes. "I love you too, James."_

"_Lily Evans," said James, taking his girlfriend's hand, "Will you marry me?"_

_Lily gasped and threw her arms around James. "Of course I will! Yes! Yes!"_

_James found he had tears running down his cheek as he leaned in and kissed his fiancé. They were together for now and would face whatever the future threw at them, together._

"Aww," thought Harry, feeling very moved, "that was so sweet. I wonder if there's a sequel."

He read the authors notes and discovered that there would be a sequel but the author hadn't written it yet. Harry decided to put the author on his Author Alerts and then he left a review.

"_Hi. I loved your story to bits. If Lily and James were my parents, that's the way I'd like them to get together... Good work. I eagerly await the sequel."_

"Hey Harry," said a voice, "I missed you."

Harry swung around and Ginny launched into his lap and planted a kiss on his lips.

"What you doing?" she asked,

"Just reviewing this fic that Hermione found for me,"

"Oh the fic about your parents? Is this the review you left?" Ginny read it and opened her mouth in astonishment. "Harry!" she giggled, "what a thing to put on a review. Talk about making it obvious!"

"It's so not!" said Harry. He sent the review and then checked out the author's C2 Community.

"How about we read that one?" said Ginny, pointing a fic titled '_DADA in the Marauder's Era_".

"Yeah. Wonder what it's about…"

"I'll read the summary and then we'll find out!" said Ginny, in a slightly sarcastic voice,

"Go on then," said Harry.

"_Hermione never gave the Time Turner back to McGonagall in their 3rd year. Now in their sixth year, Harry stumbles across the time turner and accidentally sends himself and Ginny back to the Era of the Marauders" _Ginny read out, "hey this sounds really good!"

"Let's give it a go," said Harry and clicked into the fifteen chapter story.

* * *

The time travel fanfiction was so enthralling that the couple skipped lunch altogether and snapped at Hermione and Ron when they came to find where they were. As a result, Harry's best friends claimed their own computer and found a fic about them getting married and having children. Harry could see Ron's blushing face from the other side of the library.

Harry and Ginny finished the fic just before it was time for dinner.

"Awesome story," said Harry, "It would totally rock if I could go back in time and teach my parents Defence Against the Dark Arts!"

"Maybe you should ask Professor Dumbledore if you can," said Ginny, stretching,

"I could but he'd probably say no. It'd be way too risky," said Harry, sensibly,

"I suppose so," said Ginny, "anyway it's time for dinner. Race you!"

* * *

**Thanks to No Longer Alone. Someone, swiglo3000 (well it DID take one and a half years to finish one of my stories…), Supi-chan and Lizzie-baka, korrd, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorelai (x2), Apple Pie, Silver Sailor Ganymede, TrueLove53 (x2), maliaphire (thinking of you today), CherryIzzy, Lil Crow Bow, Deannit (cheers!), Mollywobbles, the-geek (x14!), Nixinox, Hermoine-Hermine and littleflower2004.**

**I think this is my longest chapter so far…maybe.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	16. Mr or Miss Zabini?

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Mr. or Miss. Zabini?**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

Harry was on his way to the library to meet up with Hermione, Ron and Ginny. He was strolling along, thinking about stories he'd read recently and how glad he was that he'd found the website. All of a sudden, he turned a dark corner and ran smack-bang into another student.

"Watch where you're going, _Potter_," snarled Blaise Zabini,

"Shut up, Zabini," said Harry and continued further up the corridor. He'd taken approximately fifteen steps when he realised that he'd dropped a sheet of paper that he had been carrying that had a story printed off the fanfiction website. He'd have to go back and get it.

Retreating back to the corner where he'd crashed into Blaise, Harry stopped in his tracks as he heard Blaise's smooth voice talking to Draco Malfoy. He hid around the corner and listened hard.

"What's that you're holding Zabini?"

"I don't know. Potter dropped it when he crashed into me just now,"

"Eww. Don't forget to take a shower then. He'll probably have slime from the Mudblood and Weaslette on him,"

"Yeah." There came a sound of a piece of paper being unfolded. "Hey, it's a story! Potter's been writing stories!"

Draco sniggered and took the paper. "It's about him and his friends!"

"Really? What a _looser_!"

"Actually, I don't think he's written it. Look it's got those words at the top that show it's off one of the websites that you can access on those stupid Muggle computers,"

"They're not that stupid, Malfoy. I've found some really good sites on Muggle torture techniques!"

"Show me. We can try them out after we graduate. Then we'll go on Potter's little site and see what else there is."

"Right. Let's go."

Harry heard footsteps coming his way and scrambled into a secret passage that he knew was nearby just in time. He listened until the two Slytherins had walked past and then leaned against the side of the passage. Malfoy knew about the website now. He smirked. Harry wondered what his reaction would be to finding slash stories about him and Harry.

* * *

"Where've you been, Harry?" asked Hermione, as he ambled into the library,

"I was unavoidably detained," replied Harry, as he gazed around. Aha! There was Zabini and Malfoy sitting by a computer. "I'll be right back…"

Harry slunk around behind all the computer users until he was just passing Zabini and Malfoy. He peered at the screen. They were searching through fanfiction.

"Merlin! Have you seen all these stories about our world?" said Zabini, in awe,

"They just all have to be about Potter and his sidekicks," grumbled Draco, "there should be one about the amazing Draco Malfoy and how pathetic Potter is…"

"Yeah. Hey Potter. What are you doing here?" said Blaise, swinging around and catching sight of Harry,

"Well," Harry said, putting on a thoughtful face, "maybe it's because this library is free for all students to use,"

"Don't be smart. Go and disappear back to the hole you climbed out of," Blaise replied,

"With pleasure. I'm not sure why you two good and mighty Slytherins are doing on a _Muggle _computer when you despise them so much…" said Harry, as he walked back over to his friends.

"Arsehole," muttered Draco, "come on, let's have a look. There's a list of characters here. Let's see what comes up when we enter your name!"

They did just that and had a look at the results.

"There's a romance story between you and Granger!" snorted Draco,

"Eww!" said Blaise, "I need to be decontaminated!"

Draco sniggered as he read the second one.

"Ah! There's one involving US as a pairing!" he shrieked, "get away from me, fag!"

"I ain't gay!" protested Blaise, "it's only a story, Malfoy!"

"Whatever. Look there's one between you and Pansy Parkinson!"

"_Like _I'd ever go out with that hag!"

"It could be worse. For example, this story had a threesome in it,"

"Blaise, Hermione and _Harry Potter_?" said Blaise, loudly. Many people turned to stare at him, including the Golden Trio and Ginny who seemed to be laughing helplessly.

"Next one, quickly!" said Draco. They clicked onto the next page.

They read the summary and just as they got to the end, Draco began snorting wildly. "_Featuring Girl-Blaise_!" he laughed, "Girl Blaise! Ha ha ha!"

"Shut up Malfoy!" said Blaise, "I'm not a girl!"

"Are you absolutely sure?" smirked Malfoy,

"Yes!" said Blaise, in exasperation, "what is this site anyway? It's spooky!"

"Having fun?" said a voice, behind them. Harry had returned.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" snarled Blaise,

"Nope," Harry replied, cheerfully, "it's a real site where Muggles post their stories about our world,"

"WHAT?" exploded Draco, "How do they know?"

"Just do a little research on your little bug friend, Rita Skeeter," Harry said and once again, returned to his friends.

Draco and Blaise turned to each other, each completely gob smacked.

* * *

**Thanks to maliaphire, murgel, korrd (this ones for you!), IloveHarryPotter17, Silver Sailor Ganymede, CherryIzzy, Sunshine Silverjojo, littleflower2004 (it means you reviewed two times since I last updated), Supi-chan and Lizzie-baka, Blackstar Wolf14 (crossover chapter is next), Andromeda 'Andy' Black (do I still get the 3 cookies and the apple? I'm rather hungry lol), I am a banana, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorela**i, **Harasas, gl2004, Lanfear1, Apple Pie (there are loads of time turner stories), Hermoine-Hermine, jynkyg, oranges and golwenadaneth. **

**Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was…busy.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	17. Harry Potter and the Muggle Crossovers

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Harry Potter and the Muggle Crossovers**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

It was the day before Graduation and the Golden Trio and their year mates were currently getting ready for their Graduation Ball that evening. Typically, Ron and Harry were waiting until the last minute to throw on their dress robes and clean their faces. Hermione and Ginny (who Harry had invited as his date) had disappeared up the stairs hours ago and there had been no sign of them since.

The boys had bagged one of the computers that were in the Gryffindor Common Room and were once again searching for more fanfiction. They had stumbled across a fanfiction called '_Harry the Voldemort Slayer_' and were very confused.

"Who's this Buffy girl?" asked Ron, "I've never heard of her in my life!"

"I don't know. I thought these stories were supposed to be about us!" said Harry,

"Maybe one of the girls will know," suggested Ron and stood up. He crossed over to the girl's stairway and bellowed up. "HERMIONE!"

"What?" yelled back a voice,

"Come down. We…need….to…ask…you…something!" Ron shouted,

"I can't! I'm getting ready!" said Hermione, "you can't see me!"

"I don't care! Just come down, _please_!"

There was no reply but a minute later, the boys looked up to see Hermione and Ginny wrapped in dressing gowns with towels over their hair coming down the stairs.

"What?" asked Hermione, breathlessly, "why aren't you two changed yet?"

"Hermione, the ball doesn't start for another two hours!" said Ron, in exasperation,

"Anyway, Hermione do you know who this Buffy character is?" asked Harry, gesturing to the computer screen.

Hermione frowned, leaned forward to read the summary of the story and then began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked Ginny,

"It's a crossover!" spluttered Hermione, "Buffy's a character out of an American Muggle TV show called _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. I watch it when I'm home!"

"That explains the title," said Ron, "_Harry the Voldemort Slayer_"

"Very original," said Hermione, "let's look for more Muggle crossovers!"

She nudged Harry off the computer chair and sat down. Then she entered in a search and they all read the results.

"Oooh there's _Phantom of the Opera_! It's a very famous musical. I've been to see it… Oh and look, there's _Charmed_! That's a TV programme that features some witches. I've never really watched it though…"

Ginny and Ron looked confused and Harry looked as if he vaguely recognised what she was talking about.

"_Xmen_! What a great film that is! I wonder how they've incorporated the theme into Harry Potter…Wow! _Final Fantasy_! That's a whole series of video games! I've got some at home. They're really good!"

Hermione carried on for an entire half hour,gasping as she came across a new crossover that some Muggle writer had inserted into their story. Ginny, Ron and Harry were only listening with one ear and getting thoroughly bored. It had been fun to start with but now it was getting very dull.

All of a sudden, Lavender and Parvati came running down the stairs.

"Hermione! Ginny! Where _are _you? There's only just over an hour left to the ball and you're not even _dressed _yet!"

The response was immediate. Hermione leapt up with a gasp and frantically checked the common room clock.

"Come on Ginny!" she squealed, "We're going to be late! See you guys later!"

And in a rush, the four Gryffindor girls disappeared up the steps.

* * *

**Thanks to No Longer Alone, sarah, CherryIzzy, drbowler, caillion, Queenlover, Hermoine-Hermine, Piella (what! Someone dared to take your name?), gl2004, petites sorcieres, korrd, littleflower2004, Supi-chan and Lizzie-baka, Trish Shakespeare, preshuzz, I am a banana, E.K Kropp, maliaphire, tweets, Lanfear1, HarryMioneSamJackLukeLorelai (hmm nice mental image), Nixinox, jynkyg, the-geek, GaryLovesPickles, Eos and HGShipper.**

**I really am a bad author, I didn't update again yesterday! Sorry. But it's here now.**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	18. Alternate Universes

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Alternate Universes**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

Everyone slept in late the next morning. The ball had lasted until half past two this morning and it was a further hour before everyone returned to their common rooms and went to bed. However, there wasn't anything for the seventh years to actually be doing. The Graduation Ceremony wasn't until just before dinner. Hermione had been genuinely confused about the whole Graduation thing as she believed it to only be an American custom but when she consulted _Hogwarts: a History _she'd discovered that Hogwart's favoured Graduation and believed that it was a good way to end young witches and wizard's time at school and be released upon the Wizarding World.

Harry got out of bed at half past eleven and quickly got dressed. He hurried down to the common room and bagged the last remaining computer.

"Dobby!" he called.

Dobby appeared with a crack. "How can Dobby be helping Mister Harry Potter, sir? The Harry Potter who vanquished the Dark Lord all by himself!"

"Can you send me some breakfast up?" asked Harry, "I'm starving."

"Dobby will be right back, Mr. Harry Potter, sir."

Dobby disappeared and Harry just had time to log on and access the fanfiction site before he reappeared again, buckling under the weight of two loaded trays of food.

"Dobby has your food," said Dobby,

"How much did you bring?" exclaimed Harry, just as Ron came yawning down the steps,

"Ah breakfast! Excellent! Thanks Dobby!" he said.

Dobby beamed. "You's most welcome, sir. The great sir who helped the wonderful Mr. Harry Potter defeat the evil Dark Lord!"

"You know what, Dobby," said Ron, his ears red, "I really am going to miss you."

The elf's tennis ball eyes filled up with tears and he grabbed Ron's legs in a bone crushing hug. "Thank you Mr. Ron Weasley! Thank you! Never has Dobby been told he will be missed. Never! Thank you!"

"It's ok," said Ron, his entire face flushing, "well we better have breakfast now or it'll get cold!"

"Dobby will return when you have finished," said Dobby and disappeared once again.

The two boys looked at one another, laughed and dug into their breakfast.

* * *

"So have you found anything good?" asked Ron, through a mouthful of toast, about twenty minutes later,

"I'm a bit confused. There's these two letters-AU- that keep turning up in summaries and I have no idea what they mean!"

"Alternate Universe," said Hermione, from behind them, "ah breakfast is here. Good!"

"That makes sense," said Harry. He chuckled. "I love some of them. This one here has me disappearing with a cloaked stranger and not returning to Hogwarts for five years and when I return I'm like a lethal weapon!"

"Super Powerful Harry to the Rescue!" put in Ron. They all laughed.

"Aw look at this one!" gasped Ginny, stabbing at the computer screen with her finger, "It's so sweet! _Harry is rescued from the Dursley's at age two. The same night Sirius is mysteriously broken out of Azkaban. How are the two related and who's the mysterious person in the background? AU_."

"I take it that it's possibly Moony and I get to grow up with him and Sirius," said Harry. He sighed. "I wish that had really happened…"

Ginny gave her boyfriend a hug. "You're seventeen now. You never have to go back to them. No child should ever have to go through what you had to go through but it's over now and you've come through it stronger than ever and that's one of the reasons why I love you like hell."

Hermione and Ron found they had tears in their eyes as the young couple held one another. After about thirty seconds, Ron cleared his throat and they began looking for more amusing AU stories.

"Look at this one!" said Hermione, "_Harry is abandoned when he is five years old and left to rot in the streets of London. A gang of homeless boys find him and take him in. Ten years later, meet the new Harry Potter_."

"That sounds great! Let's read it…"

"No wait!" said Harry, suddenly, "Look at that one!"

* * *

**Thanks to maliaphire, CherryIzzy, Andromeda 'Andy' Black, Hermoine-Hermine, the-geek, Silver Sailor Ganymede, someone, Queenlover, HGShipper, korrd, GaryLovesPickles, chaotic pink chocobo, bruisedpapaya, random person, I am a banana (erm… they're muggle computers and enchanted by Dumbledore), Piella (sorry I couldn't be arsed to write the ball, use your imagination or watch the ball clip from the GoF trailer), littleflower2004, john and nixinox. **

**Aha! What has Harry seen? Wait until next time to find out (it should be on Tuesday using my free periods). Only two chapters left!**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	19. Harry Potter & the Woes of Harry Potter

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Harry Potter and the Woes of Harry Potter**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me_**

"What? What?" asked Hermione, Ginny and Ron frantically looking at the screen,

"There!" said Harry, jabbing at the screen and leaving fingerprints all over it, "read it!"

"The Woes of Harry Potter. _Harry Potter meet fanfiction. Fanfiction meet Harry Potter. What problems does Harry encounter while online_?" read out Hermione. Her eyes grew round. "It's a fanfiction about us reading fanfiction!"

"Cool!" said Ron and Ginny said, "Let's read it!"

They clicked onto the first chapter. "Reviews v. Hits," said Ginny and began to read it out loud.

""_What are you doing, Harry?" Hermione Granger asked, coming up from behind Harry._

"_Oh, hey Hermione, I'm just about to upload my story onto this fan-fiction website you showed me," replied Harry."_

The Golden Trio listened to Ginny, their mouths getting further open. When they had got to the end of chapter one, Harry and Hermione turned to one another.

"That really happened," said Hermione, "I remember that!"

"How'd the author know?" asked Harry, "do you reckon someone's spying on us?"

"They must be," replied Hermione, "shall we read chapter two?"

Everybody agreed and Ron read out 'Rita Skeeter is WHO?'

""_What are you going to do?" asked Hermione, "Have you done all of your homework?"_

"_Yeah, Ron and I copied yours earlier," said Harry, distractedly as he typed in a website, "I'm going onto that website again and see if there's any good stories up about me and Ginny and how I defeat Voldemort,""_

"Haha!" chortled Ron, "that sounds exactly right- us copying your homework!"

"Not anymore," replied Hermione and read on.

They soon got to the end of chapter two and then read chapters three through eighteen. As the story progressed, the four of them got more and more scared about how this fanfiction author knew exactly what had happened.

When at last, the story was over, they sat back against their computer chairs.

"That was really good," said Ginny,

Hermione nodded her agreement and said, "It was funny as well."

"Shall we leave a review?" asked Harry,

"Yeah," consented Ron, "what shall we say?"

Hermione took the keyboard and began to type out a review. The others read as she typed.

"_Great story, well done. The four of us enjoyed it and we laughed a lot. Just imagine if that was what really happened_!"

Ron sniggered as Hermione pressed send.

"Good one, Hermione!" he said,

"Yeah. Now, who is this mystery author?" said Harry.

He clicked on the author's profile and scanned her details.

"I-confuse-everyone…is a teenage girl from the West Midlands in England," stated Ginny,

"A Muggle?" asked Harry,

"I'm assuming so," said Hermione,

"Then how'd she know?" mused Ron,

"That will remain a mystery," said Harry, "I don't think we'll ever find out."

* * *

**Thanks to Queenlover, Silver Sailor Ganymede, bruisedpapaya, where-my-heart-resides, Nixinox (no I just used the first AU ideas that popped into my head. Some of them are based on stories I've seen or read but only in general), CherryIzzy, korrd (I put a bit of time travel into the marauders chapter), the-geek, Ashley (I don't know why so many people reviewed it and it's not a fanfiction self help as far as I can take it), I am a banana (erm... I'm going to rely on artistic license for this one), HGShipper, meowcat00, Andromeda 'Andy' Black, Piella and oranges.**

**Sorry I couldn't resist. Reckon it came out ok?**

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


	20. Graduation

**The Woes of Harry Potter**

**Chapter Twenty**

**Graduation**

_**Disclaimer: Nothing you might recognise belongs to me**_

"…and I and the professors of this school are proud of each and every one of you. Throughout your time at Hogwarts, you have learnt many lessons on how to live life. Now before you officially graduate, I would like you all to encourage Mr. Harry Potter to come up on stage and say a few words…"

"No!" Harry gasped, as everyone turned to face him, grinning,

"Aw go on Harry!" wheedled Ron,

"Please," said Hermione, looking hopeful,

"No!" Harry said, again,

"Come on!" said Seamus, from along the row. He stood up. "Harry! Harry! Harry!"

The entire Great Hall took up the chant and a furiously red Harry Potter stumbled to his feet and walked slowly towards the stage where he was Sorted seven years ago.

Dumbledore beamed at him and placed a _Sonorus_ charm on him.

"Erm… well hi," he said, nervously gazing at the rows of parents and seventh years in front of him, "Erm… well I agree a lot with what's been said this afternoon. I've certainly learnt a lot and have gained a number of fantastic friends…"

Here he smiled at Ron and Hermione which waved cheerily back. Then, a thought struck him. This graduation speech sounded familiar. Where had he heard it before?

"Merlin!" he said and the audience looked at him, in concern.

"My speech is sounded exactly like a fanfiction graduation speech!"

Everyone except Ron, Hermione, Draco, Blaise, Snape and Dumbledore looked confused.

"What are you talking about, Harry?" called out Dean, "what's this 'fanfiction' thing?"

Harry glanced at Dumbledore who nodded.

"Fanfictionis a website that my good friend Hermione found a few months ago. It's where Muggles write their own stories based on our world and post them. You should see the amount of stories there are!"

"I don't understand," said Neville,

"It's a website on the computer". Harry sighed. "Look, if you want more information, I'll meet you in the library at nine o'clock this evening. Anyway, I think I'll let Professor Dumbledore wrap it up 'cause I don't know about you but I'm starving!"

The Great Hall laughed and Dumbledore got to his feet beaming.

"Well thank you Harry! Now, may I present to you the class of 1998!"

* * *

Harry was sitting contentedly in the library, with Ginny on his lap and Ron and Hermione by his side, like they always had been. Around him was possibly every single Hogwart's student and teacher gathered around various computers. There was a lot of laughter and chatting going around. Madam Pince had sighed at the beginning but now was eagerly following a story that Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape and Hagrid were reading through.

Harry sighed and tightened his grip around Ginny. He would be leaving this place tomorrow and only returning to visit his professor's and see Hermione, who was working as Snape's apprenticeship. He'd also spend time with Ginny, who still had a year left to go.

Ron and Harry were planning on renting out an apartment together and hopefully becoming Aurors if their NEWT grades were good enough. If not, they were going to try out for international Quidditch teams. Ron had his eye on the currently vacant Chudley Cannon Keeper spot.

Harry took another glance around the library and noticed Luna come in. She'd begged Harry for permission to tell her father about the fanfiction site and Harry wondered if by tomorrow there would be witches and wizards all around the world reading fanfiction based on themselves. It would be rather amusing.

All in all, life was good for Harry Potter.

The End

* * *

**Thanks to HGShipper, swiglo3000, Queenlover, No Longer Alone, gl2004 (darn how did ya know?), CherryIzzy (hello my Irish friend!), Silver Sailor Ganymede, littleflower2004, Nixinox, EowynSaule, Piella (yeah that's about it. If you know where Birmingham is, then I live near there and I HAVE updated now), FreeDaChickens, MiKaYGiRl, Jordan, the-geek, I am a banana, HarryPandHerminoeG4ever, swingswing00, Christy (I did think about posting a anonymous review like Harry's), john, hot4moony, mjelleon, where-my-heart-resides, Deannit (good idea but it wouldn't fit in), berry-scented, fenderbender505, Inuyashaslittlegirl, maliaphire and QFan.**

**Sorry it took a little while for this chapter to get out. I was busy with open evenings at my college but now its half term. WOO!**

**OK, so that's the end of 'The Woes of Harry Potter'. Sniffle. I hope you all enjoyed it. What was your favourite chapter(s)?**

**Bye for now**

_**I-Confuse-Everyone**_

**Review please. Constructive criticism is gladly received. **


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